When Anxiety Comes Along Too: Helping a Loved One Living with Dementia Feel Safe and Understood
When someone you love is living with dementia, anxiety often comes along too.
And honestly, when we stop and really think about everything dementia can bring, it makes complete sense.
If any of us suddenly found it harder to remember things, lost track of time, struggled to find the right words, or no longer felt fully confident in everyday situations, we would feel anxious too.
Sometimes families understandably move into “problem-solving mode”. We want to fix things, reassure quickly, explain, calm situations down or help someone get things “right”.
But often what helps most isn’t solving the problem at all.
It’s helping someone feel safe, comfortable and understood.
And actually, isn’t that usually what all of us need when we feel anxious?
Anxiety in dementia is often communication
Anxiety in dementia can show itself in many different ways:
repeated questions
worrying about appointments
irritability
restlessness
wanting reassurance often
becoming upset at certain times of day
seeming withdrawn or overwhelmed
These are not someone “being difficult”.
They are often signs that somebody is trying to feel safe again.
Sometimes repeated questions are less about memory and more about reassurance.
If someone asks:
“What time is the appointment?”
the real question may actually be:
“What if I forget?”
“What if I get it wrong?”
“Will you help me?”
And haven’t we all sought reassurance when anxious?
Respond to the feeling first
One of the gentlest and most effective dementia communication approaches is responding to the emotion underneath the words.
Instead of:
“I already told you.”
“No, that’s tomorrow.”
“You’ve asked that already.”
Try:
“You’re wondering about that.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you.”
“You’re safe.”
“We’ve got plenty of time.”
The goal is not accuracy.
The goal is emotional safety.
Because while memories may become muddled, feelings often stay long after the conversation itself has been forgotten.
Familiarity and reassurance reduce anxiety
Our brains naturally seek familiarity when we feel stressed or uncertain.
Simple things can make a huge difference when supporting somebody living with dementia and anxiety:
keeping routines predictable
visits at similar times
clocks and calendars visible
reducing overwhelm and noise
slowing conversations down
listening properly
one topic at a time
familiar music
favourite photographs
reassurance without rushing
Often, the calmness of the person supporting someone matters just as much as the words themselves.
What do you need when you feel anxious?
I gently encourage families to reflect on this themselves.
When you feel worried or overwhelmed, what helps you most?
Usually not:
being corrected
being rushed
feeling tested
somebody sounding frustrated
Usually it’s:
warmth
reassurance
patience
familiarity
somebody staying calmly beside you
The same is true for people living with dementia.
You are not failing
Supporting somebody living with dementia can feel emotionally exhausting at times, especially when anxiety becomes part of daily life.
But anxiety does not mean you are failing.
Often it is a very understandable response to huge changes and uncertainty.
Small moments matter deeply:
sitting together quietly
making tea together
holding a hand
listening properly
sharing music
offering reassurance
These moments help people feel connected, valued and safe.
And that is never “just” a small thing.
If you would like support around dementia communication, anxiety, wellbeing or person-centred approaches, I offer dementia education and consultancy for families, community groups and care providers.
You can find out more here:
Fran Hamilton Dementia Support and Education